• Brian Gallagher

Things I heard at the bar…


Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A guy walks into a bar. Actually not ‘a’ guy, more specifically – this guy. And it wasn’t actually a bar it was a restaurant. Well, to be clear they call themselves a ‘bistro,’ not a restaurant. Sigh… You see, beautiful people, this is why I don’t tell jokes. I’m just not good at it. At all. I should stick to drawing stick figures and origami.

Back to my story – I was chatting with four very nice ladies who were at this establishment last Friday evening. As I approached the table these ladies were giggling and passing their phones back and forth to each other clearly sharing some exciting secret message or illicit photos that they have stored in a locked folder away from prying husbandly eyes. I could not have been more wrong.

Now before I continue with this little story I have to explain a term to you good and faithful readers only because this is a ‘PG’ column and I don’t want anyone to misconstrue any intentions or content found in this family-friendly corner of The Journal.

The term is ‘food porn.’ Now according to Wikipedia, “Food porn is a glamourized visual presentation of cooking or eating in advertisements, infomercials, blogs, cooking shows or other visual media… Food porn often takes the form of food photography with styling that presents food provocatively, in a similar way to glamour photography… One of the earliest forms of the term can be found in an article by Alexander Cockburn, published in December 1977 in The New York Review of Books, in which Cockburn wrote, ‘True gastro-porn heightens the excitement and also the sense of the unattainable by proffering coloured photographs of various completed recipes.’” Yup. This kind of thing has been around for 40 years. I looked this all up on the Google. Mind. Blown.

I think I might have to take a moment next time I go through the Tim’s drive-thru to appreciate the look and feel of my large double-double and chocolate-dip.

So what does this have to do with my little story you are surely asking by now? Although, if you are a constant reader of this column, I am sure you have asked yourself many questions such as, “Where is he going with this?” or “Is he off his meds?” or “Wouldn’t the paper be better served by replacing his column with a weekly ad for a “Snuggy?”

Well the reason for this very long and drifting column is because when the lovely accommodating ladies showed me their phones that they were all admiring and sharing all I saw as I swiped left, right, up or down were pictures of cats (and the occasional dog under a blanket). Cats sitting on tables, snuggling up to stuffed animals, sleeping in various positions, bathing themselves (or each other or that one dog) and splayed out looking like roadkill. I was then kindly informed that these are consistently the type of photos that you would normally expect to find on a 50-year-old lady’s cell phone. And that, beautiful people, is how I was introduced to ‘Pet Porn.’ There it is. You’re welcome.


Although I really don’t know how to follow that up, here are a couple of suggestions for you:

For you closet musicians/singers the next open mic at Rubes Restaurant on the 201 in Rigaud is this Sunday, August 25 starting at 7 p.m.

On August 24 the Anneken Barn in Vankleek Hill will be having their 1st anniversary bash starting at 7 p.m. You can get tickets and more info by calling them at (613) 818-8141.

The Sain-Lazare studio (1850 rue des Loisirs) is having an Open House on Sunday, August 25. From 2 to 4 p.m. meet the Costello Irish dancers and their coaches. You can even sign up for lessons!

As always, make sure you check out the ‘Things to See and Do’ section of The Journal for upcoming community events in and around the Vaudreuil-Soulanges area and if you have some music, art or other cool event you think I should be checking out, please hit me up at kickinthearts@yourlocaljournal.ca.