I can’t wait for global warming
PHOTO COURTESY SHUTTERSTOCK
Well here we are beautiful people. Mid-summer. July 11. Only eight more weeks until Labour Day? Can you feel the fresh breath of fall in the air? Okay, okay, you can stop cursing at me now. Remember what your Mom said – “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” But then if that was the case where would that leave yours truly and my little weekly ramblings, right dear benevolent editor?
I’m feeling the autumn vibe though, my pretties. Here we are on another hot summer day and I am wearing sweatpants, socks, slippers, T-shirt and a hoodie. Grasping a hot cup of java to boot. Yes – I am freezing! It is mid-summer and I am sitting here in Shangri-la typing away on the old Underwood and it is a staggering 59 degrees Fahrenheit in the house. Well, the basement actually. You heard that right, I work in the basement. Or as I affectionately call it – the meat locker. Now why I am not allowed to work in the comfort of the kitchen, living room or even the commode is fodder for another column – I’ll leave you to your own suspicions on that subject.
You see, when we moved here last year, this castle of ours did not have air conditioning. All it had was a tired old oil furnace from the 1950s. Might even have been from the 1850s by the look and sound of it. So as we renovated and painted in the 93 degree heat and humidity last summer I swore (multiple times) “never again!” We installed a fancy new electric furnace and heat pump which was lovely all through this past winter (that’s right – winter – and it’s coming again folks, in about 20 short weeks). So while yours truly was warm and toasty in January, he is frostbitten now. This A/C unit works great. Fantastic. Stupendous. Since the electric furnace is in the basement there are a lot of vents down here. All pumping out crisp clean air at jet propulsion speed. I am so cold I went in to check if the darned furnace had a “fruit and vegetable” setting that I might have missed.
So here’s the physics lesson that my better half likes to repeat over and over while I whimper and whine through chattering teeth – “Warm air rises so of course the basement will be colder.” Smugly, she lounges comfortably upstairs in her balmy 72 degree paradise while I languish in the dungeon with all the windows open hoping for some warm southerly breeze to waft in through the window like a prisoner in isolation hoping for a small sniff of freedom. Sigh…
Why don’t I just simply go upstairs, you ask? Like I said, that’s a subject for another day. Stay chill my flip-flop wearing friends. Don’t you worry – fall and winter are just around the corner when we can all be warm and toasty once again.
Feel like a drive out to the country (windows open, no A/C please)? The 4th annual Vankleek Hill Porchfest is July 20 from noon until 5 p.m. Forty-one musicians from all over will be playing on porches throughout this picturesque village. You might even see yours truly at the event with my new trio. I’ll be the one with the translucent white skin baking in the sun. Get all the details at www.porchfestvankleekhill.ca.
There is a great local and international lineup for this year’s 13th edition of the Hudson Music Festival. Plenty to see and do coming up in August! I’ll update you on all the news next week before we go off on our summer break.
If you have some music, art or other cool event you think I should be checking outdoors in the sun please hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org.