• Brian Gallagher

Chop chop!


“Introducing the K-Tel Dial-O-Matic food slicer! The all new appliance that slices, dices, shreds, juliennes and makes French fries! Just turn the dial! Slice up onions and the only tears you’ll shred are tears of joy. No fuss! No muss! Turn the dial. Shred corn on the cob in just one stroke. Isn’t that amazing? Turn the dial.”

Now I know dear readers (and benevolent editor) that you are asking yourselves, “Has he finally lost his mind?” Yes, probably. But that’s beside the point. I was paraphrasing from a 1990 K-Tel commercial. And why in the name of Sidney am I doing this? Because this morning over my Nth cup of coffee I found my mind wandering in this direction thinking of my upcoming surgery. Yessiree bobarino, I am going under the knife this coming Monday. Therefore the slicing and dicing reference.

Now not many of us look forward to being put under and cut open but I must tell you I am so excited this day has come. You see I deal with a bone disease called ‘Osteochondroma’ that is a benign form of cancer that causes your bones to grow abnormally, especially in the joints and soft cartilage areas. Unfortunately I had to get used to hospitals and surgeries when I was younger as this disease really attacks you when your body is growing but I am lucky enough to be part of the small percentage of those afflicted where it has returned. Maybe I should buy a Lotto 6/49.

Why am I excited? Well, it’s not my first rodeo in this arena. This will be surgery #23 if my math is right. The last one was 2014 and I waited a long time to have that one for fear of losing the use of one arm. Hard to strum the ole banjo one-handed y’all. But it went perfectly so we thought we would take it up a notch for this round. I will be having four tumours or ‘extoses’ removed from both my legs all in one sitting (or lying). This is a bit of a bold move but I pushed to have it all at the same time. Only because I have waited three years, or 1095 days, or 26,280 hours, or 1,576,800 minutes to book this table. That’s right. Too damn long. Thank you Quebec Health care Bureaucracy.

I hesitate to call it ‘Health Care’ anymore. I was passed from doctor to doctor who did not feel comfortable with working on bones that look like puffer fish. But once in the ‘system’ I have been waiting for the one surgeon that tackles this disease at the Montreal General Hospital. But health care is free in this province and as the saying goes ‘You get what you pay for.’ But time for complaining is over – let’s “get ‘er done.”

So wish me luck. I will miss chatting with you for a bit but should be back in the saddle in the next couple of weeks. Have a martini or two for me!

Lakeshore Players Dorval is proud to present the final production of its 54th season of community theatre. ‘Opening Night’ by Norm Foster will be performed from May 9 to 18, at Lakeside Academy High School. Call (514) 631-8718 or reserve online at www.lakeshoreplayersdorval.com. This play features Hudson’s own Mary Vuorela.

By popular demand the Hudson Village Theatre has added another performance of Neil Simon’s ‘Rumors’ Saturday May 5. Catch it before it is gone!

Check out our Facebook page and Community Corner section on the website to see more upcoming Arts and Entertainment events and remember if you have some music, art or other cool event you think I should be checking out, please hit me up at kickinthearts@yourlocaljournal.ca.

Until next time beautiful people, when I’ll be shorter, thinner and funnier.


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