• Brian Gallagher

I triple dog-dare you to be grumpy


PHOTO BY MADDYLANE

Yes, indeed. It is THAT special time of the year my friends. It is the time to celebrate the ONE holiday that brings us all together as a people in love, harmony and good will. Where our differences and donnybrooks fade into distant memory as we bask in the soothing warmth and iridescent glow of St. Patrick’s day (raise your glass)!

Now apparently if you reside in Canada you are automatically a wee part Irish. It’s an undeniable bond to our Canadian heritage. After all, the Irish were here 6th after the Aboriginals, Vikings, French, English and Scots. That’s a top ten finish for the ‘micks’ and that doesn’t happen very often my bonnie lads and lassies (time for another dram)!

Now I must admit that I myself have a good dose of the Celtic gene. To paraphrase my dearly departed father, “You’re half Scottish, half Irish and half Newfie so basically you’re screwed my son.” Dad always did have a knack for knowing how to motivate (I’ll knock one back for that, you may join me if you wish).

Seriously now. All other holidays pale by comparison. They fade into invisibility like an Irish person sunbathing on the beach (one more shot for poor humour stolen from the world-wide web? Slainte!). Now that we are four jars into this article, let me use my powers of persuasion to list the other holidays’ failings for you.

Easter: It’s a bunny that poops out tie-dyed eggs. It’s a holiday that was probably thought up by some deep woods troll high on psilocybin. ‘Nuff said.

Family day: Now why were we Quebecers excluded from this one? There was a time when you couldn’t stop us from perpetually procreating! Seems unfair to me. Might have to have myself a two-finger pour to get over that slight.

Labour day: Someone want to tell me why there is a holiday to celebrate the END of summer and the start of school? Seems just cruel.

Thanksgiving: Now as a foodie I kind of have a soft spot for this one but seriously beautiful people… you do know you are allowed to have turkey, stuffing and gravy on ANY day you like, right? I said ‘Am I right?’ We are all adults here – no one gets to tell us what to do. Kinda…. Sorta….

Christmas: Fat man in a red suit that visits children while they sleep. Somebody stop me….

Valentines’ Day: As ‘mo chuisle’ (‘my love’ in Gaelic) likes to say – “It’s a crock”. You can (and should) say “I love you” any day you wish without paying a three times premium on flowers. The Scottish half of me concurs.

Victoria Day/Fête de Dollard, National Patriots Day: If you can’t decide which one it is then you don’t really deserve one. That rationale makes sense to me. I’ll take one more dram for that little nugget please.

That leaves St. Patrick’s Day. No pretension. No hidden or Machiavellian agendas. No need to dress up unless we want to. And if we want to it is fashionably acceptable (indeed, encouraged) to put on silly green hats, oversized shiny green ties, then celebrate the occasion by drinking green beer, Guiness, Baileys, Jameson, Fat Frog, Poitin or just another spiked Tim’s double-double in the middle of the afternoon. You just can’t be unhappy on St. Paddy’s day. It’s inconceivable! (Thanks to ‘The Princess Bride’ for that one – raise another glass to a rom-com classic? “As you wish”…).

So what’s going on this weekend? Irish music, Irish parades, Irish tomfoolery and shenanigans. We will all be back to normal next week but now better than ever for having received our blessed infusion of green goodness. Acushla beautiful people! Enjoy the weekend and share the love!

I, myself, need a wee nap…

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